No I haven't been in an accident, but I did look the wrong way while turning onto a busy street and NEARLY caused one. I haven't driven up the wrong side of the road (yet) this time.

When I crossed the border last week after landing in Seattle, we surprised the border guard by telling her at 4am that I was re-patriating. Turns out I didn't need to fill out a form B4, that was only if I had "shipments" of furniture, vehicles, all that sort of thing. If I only had clothes, books, dvds, an Xbox, that sort of thing, then I didn't need to worry about it.

The next day, I started ticking things off my list; I re-applied for Medical Insurance and faxed that in. I went to Metropolis at Metrotown to the Driver Services office there to renew my BC Drivers License...

The queue wasn't too bad so I stood in line and less than five minutes later I was at the counter with one of the helpful, friendly customer service agents. He informed me that since my license had expired more than three years ago, it was now invalid and I would have to re-test and re-qualify starting with a learner's permit. WTF?

I told him I had a Texas drivers license and he got visibly upset with me. "What are you doing with that?"

"Driving?"

"It's ILLEGAL to hold a Texas drivers license! You can't have a BC and Texas drivers license at the same time!"

"Why is that?"

"What were you doing in Texas?"

"I lived there."

"Well you need to surrender that license, hand it over"

"I didn't bring it with me."

"WHY NOT?" (Why was he so upset?)

"Because I didn't think I needed it. All I have on me is my Cayman Islands drivers license"

"You have THREE licenses???" (vein throbbing in his forehead)

"Well I have four if you count my International Drivers Permit."

I thought he was going to start laying eggs or something. "Can I use my Cayman license to renew my BC License?"

"No. You can keep that one, you don't have to surrender it or anything, it might make a good souvenir, but it's worthless here. I hope you're not using it to drive around with, it isn't even valid here." (Note to self: oops)

"Aww come on, man... I've been using it to rent cars here for the last seven or eight years when I come home for a visit."

"You're going to have to re-test and get a learner's permit."

"And then go through all that graduated license BS too?"

"Yes."

"What about if I bring in my Texas DL on Monday and it's expired LESS than three years, can I get my BCDL back that way?"

"Yes. but you have to surrender it, it's illegal to have both" (Seriously, WTF is the big deal)

I left after that, HOPING that I had my Texas Drivers License with me and that it had expired less than three years ago, or I was really going to be up Shit Creek. With a learner's, I would only be able to drive with an immediate family member beside me who held a valid license, and there's some day/night restrictions. Lauren doesn't even have a driver's license, so I'd be screwed there. I don't even know what the graduated license restrictions are, but chances are I didn't want them.

FORTUNATELY I found my Texas DL and it had expired in May 2007, so it was still valid. I put it together with my Cayman Islands drivers license and my International Permit and got it ready for Monday.

I went back to the same office but this time I didn't see the dickhead I dealt with on Saturday. I queued up and was served again in under five minutes. This time I was helped by an older Chinese lady. I told her I needed to renew my license and handed her my birth certificate and my passport. She looked up my name and said "Oh, it's been expired for awhile now, have you been away?" and I said yes I had been away for ten years.

She told me that my license had been expired for too long and I would have to re-test and get a learner's. The difference between her and Captain Douchenozzle from Saturday was that she looked empathethic and he looked like he was gloating that he got to tell someone bad news. I told her I had an International license. She looked at it and said "No, that's an international driver's permit, not a license." What's the difference?

I showed her my Cayman Islands License and said that this one was still valid (but left out that we drive on the left in Cayman) She looked at it, flipped it over and looked at the back, saw that it was a motorcycle license as well as a car license. She took it and went and asked someone else what to do with it, and he shrugged and said "I don't know, look in the book" so she went over to a counter and flipped open a book, came back with a smile and said "No probem." Clickety-click and that'll be $75 please. They took my picture and printed out an interim license for me. I asked her if it was a class 6 (motorcycle) as well as a class 5 (cars) and she smiled and said no, I'd have to re-test for any other licenses I held.

I walked out a couple minutes later with a newly-minted BC Drivers License. I kind of want to go back there and rub it in Captain Douchenozzle's face, but I'm pretty sure that he got put down a lot and picked last in gym class enough as a kid.