Every year around november I get a spate of emails asking me what my address is these days. My answer? www.docjelly.com hasn't changed since '01. No, no, no, silly. Your MAILING address. Yes, those are the signs that Christmas Card season is upon us.

Every year, thousands, if not millions of stately old-growth forest get annhialated to make Christmas cards and envelopes. It's EXPECTED that you send them out, and then there's the whole “so-and-so didn't send us one last year, scratch them off the list...” and that kinda defeats the purpose of Christmas cards in the first place, doesn't it? Then there's the “personalized” form-letter you write inside it, what we've been up to this year. Yawn. If it's been a year since last time we talked, what's the point? Email, IM, VOIP, quad-band global roaming phones and you can only make an effort to write some small-talk on a Christmas card once a year?

Then there's the whole displaying the cards you receive bullshit pissing-contest, too. “Look how popular *I* am, all these people sent ME a card” big fucking deal! What's wrong with E-cards? It takes just as much effort, they're FREE, and they serve the same purpose... inane small-talk.

If you're going to go to the trouble of sending something out, at least make it meaningful. So with that in mind, I give you the official Docjelly.com Christmas Greeting.

And if you think you might be offended by a Christmas greeting because you don't celebrate Christmas? Bite my ass.