No I haven't been in an accident, but I did look the wrong way while turning onto a busy street and NEARLY caused one. I haven't driven up the wrong side of the road (yet) this time.

Moving? Sucks. Air Travel? Really sucks. Moving via air travel? Totally sucks.

I was flipping through Maxim a couple days ago, and in the front section where they usually have letters and things like that there was a picture from the Cayman Islands. This isn’t the first time the Cayman Islands have been featured in a Maxim/FHM-type of magazine. A year or two ago someone sent in a picture of a cube truck from down here that has always brought a smile to my face:

Harry Bush trucking. (When I find my copy of the picture I’ll add it in here.. it’s always good for a few laughs)

This last month’s issue had a picture of the front doors of the KFC in George Town with a few chickens in the foreground. The caption was something like “in their hearts, they knew the boycott would fail” or something like that. Even without the caption, it’s pretty funny to see actual chickens hanging around the front doors of a KFC. There are chickens everywhere down here… I would compare them to squirrels or rats in other metro areas.

Everton and I stopped in to KFC for lunch today and in a silent salesman on the counter was a notice that everything that normally had tomatoes in it would not have tomatoes in it until further notice.

Foster’s and Hurley’s both have pulled tomatoes off the shelves as well and the distributors aren’t bringing any more in, either. I can see why, 90% of our imports come out of Florida and they’re one of the suspects of where the outbreak started.

According to the countdown timer on my Facebook profile, 76 days remain until my final work permit expires and I hit the road (the air?) for Canada… At this point, BC Hothouse Tomatoes are just one more reason to look forward to it!

Back in 2005, before I bought my Vespa LX125 I was in my Jeep full-time. It took me over 60 minutes each morning to get in to work and 45 to get home at night. it was, how you say… Le Suck? On top of that, the A/C crapped out!

I took it in to GT Automotive and they topped up the freon (or whatever it’s called now) and put some dye in it so they could see over time if there was a leak in the system. They also replaced a relay that was burned out. That relay was the cause of the warm air. The compressor was still working and spinning, but this relay was preventing the air from blowing cold. They told me that the compressor was drawing more current than it should, and that’s what caused the relay to blow.

Less than 24 hours later, I stopped at Foster’s on my way home from work with that sweet, sweet luscious air conditioning blowing cold on my knees. When I came out of Foster’s and started back up… it was warm and stayed warm. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

At that point, I decided I wasn’t going to keep dropping $65 on parts & labor to replace this relay over and over and that it must be the compressor. I waited, thinking that the compressor would be an expensive repair. Then I switched to the Vespa and the Jeep became secondary transportation at nights and on weekends, when it wasn’t so hot or I wasn’t wearing “business casual”.

Of course, last summer I was hit by that jackass in the roundabout and totaled my Vespa which put me back into the Jeep temporarily as my primary and as it turned out permanently. Still, it was fall and winter and the lack of A/C wasn’t that big a deal.

On May 1st, it was like Mother Nature flipped a switch and it got HOT out. Bleah. I had also already made plans to repatriate back to Canada and sell my Jeep, but the A/C was a selling point so I should really get it fixed finally. I’ve been thinking about getting it fixed for over a month now, and was starting to make calls around to see where I should take it.

This morning, after I popped into Paperman’s at the Strand (a 30 second drive from home) it was hot and muggy in the Jeep. Thinking that warmish air was better than no air, I reached down and turned the knob for the A/C which controls the blower and… WHAT THE DEUCE??? COLD AIR??? Surely it must be a figment of my imagination! Maybe it’s just the cool morning air in the pipes from having been parked in the shade… but no! It got colder! It stayed cold! It stayed cold all the way to work!

I’m going to give it a workout over the next week or so and see if it was an anomaly or if I’ve been sweating and feeling all gross by the time I get to work the last year or so!

Update: Well it's not working again. For a couple days I thought I had it figured out: make sure you turn the A/C off before turning off the engine but during my not-so-scientific-method of testing it, I shut off the engine with the a/c on and it hasn't come back on yet. I can't feel the "pull" on the engine when the compressor kicks in, so I think all things considered it's a wiring issue rather than anything REALLY major like a compressor because when it blew cold it was ICCCCCCCE cold! Time to break out the anti monkey-butt powder!

Little holy shit freak out moment this morning... I got a phone call from a 916 number. Some Cable & Wireless cell phone, someone who's not in my address book... tempted to let it go to voicemail, but I answered it.

It was an RCIPS constable. He's got a summons with my name on it.

WTF?

I told him where I was and he came by my office and dropped it off to me. Slight moment of "what the hell did I do?" until i read it: it's a summons to witness, and I'm to give testimony/present evidence on behalf of someone named Regina... (ha ha yes I know it's the Queen) against the guy who hit my scooter last summer. Fucker's been charged with careless driving and they're bringing a criminal case against him!

Then I see the next problem: the court date is September 9, 2008... about a week or so AFTER I leave the Islands for good! I asked the cop about it and he said I would have to go talk to the court clerk. Good plan, I'll grab a sandwich at Fort Street Market while I'm downtown! (If you're ever in downtown George Town, grab a sandwich--the roasted chicken breast specifically-- and you won't be sorry. Best sandwich ever)

I go to the court, have to surrender my Leatherman when I go through the metal detector and empty my pockets and talk to the Criminal Registry. They told me no problem, just come back on Monday and they'll pull the file and get it straightened out. Great... but if it's that easy, why do I have to come back next week?

It might be nice if it works out that I leave on the 31st of August, and then come back on the government's dime 10 days later to give evidence in the case... that way I could come down with two empty suitcases and take the rest of my stuff with me, rather than have to use a moving company or airfreight to get my stuff home!

I think it was today. Maybe it was yesterday, I'm not quite sure. The timing is good, however since I have a new affliction that I wanted to look up. I was up a little late last night and when I got up this morning my gluteus maximuses (how the hell do you pluralize gluteus maximus anyway) were a little sore.

My Wii arrived last night and I hooked it up to that sweet, sweet HP 65" DLP tv in the living room and gave it a whirl. Mario Kart, Wii Sports and Wii play. Suddenly it all made sense! Wii bowling! Taking that step as if I were actually tossing a bowling ball down the lane IS A LUNGE! I only bowled one game to try it out, so ten frames. One strike means I actually only bowled 19 virtual balls... so I suppose that works out to 1 set of 19 reps... and I can barely climb the stairs at work today.

This morning I see the Google Health link and click over there, thinking I can search on health-related things, like having a sore butt. I went to www.google.com/health and in the search box typed "Wii butt" and didn't get any hits. At least not any SFW hits, that's for sure.

Matty & Co. are coming over after work tonight to play a little. This is the Wii that I received as a free gift back in December. It finally arrived in Miami on May 16th and I had someone who was travelling home from a business trip pick it up and mule it down for me. I connected it up and did the updates and connected it to my Wifi access point, so if you want to play Mario Kart online with me, or just connect and have my Mii show up in your games somewhere (when I get around to making one) then drop me a line and I'll add you to my WiiConnect24 address book. I think... I haven't really messed with it too much yet, but i think that's possible.

And note to any prospective Wii owners in the Cayman Islands: Make sure you check United States for residence, or NOTHING ONLINE WORKS. You just get a message (for Cayman Islands) saying "There is nothing for you here. We hope you understand." First thing I'm doing tonight when I get home is try to change that to the US and hope they aren't looking up IP addresses to determine country like Xbox Live does, or I'll be screwed for a few months until I relocate back to Vancouver.

Middle of May... Victoria Day in Canada, Discovery Day in the Cayman Islands and this year, my 35th birthday. Do I get a cane or something issued to me now? Fortunately I don't have the camera handy or there'd be a pretty ugly picture attached to this post.

Last night I was in the bathroom and looking in the mirror after washing my face and thinking "Hmm. I need to shave..." and no it probably did NOT have anything to do with seeing the "party in my nose" Edge Shave Gel commercial thirty times yesterday during the 6-0 bodyslamming of the Flyers by Pittsburgh.

I came out to the sitting room and said to John "I think there's something wrong with the light in the bathroom."

"Which one?"

"The big bathroom" I said.

"Why, what's wrong?"

I smiled and said "Well in that light, there's a lot of stubble in my beard that looks really light... like it's gray or white or something..."

He didn't even answer me, just flipped me the bird over his shoulder :)

This morning I slept in because duh it's a bank holiday. I logged on after brushing my teeth and Darlene IMd me:

[10:34] Darlene: HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
[10:34] Darlene: Whacha doin today?
[10:34] Mark: thanks :)
[10:34] Mark: just woke up
[10:53] Darlene: you took the day off?
[10:53] Mark: it's a holiday
[10:53] Darlene: haha which one/
[10:53] Mark: Mark's Birthday
[10:54] Mark: the Queen called and woke me up... she forgot about the time zone thing
[10:54] Mark: AGAIN
[10:54] Darlene: LOL

So back to the temperature. It's hot out there, damned hot. I went out to get a coffee at Paperman's Coffee House over at the Strand and then went into town to take care of something. When I got back, the house was hoooooooot. I opened the windows and turned on the fans and opened the doors to get some breeze going but it was sill sweaty and still.

I decided to break out a notepad and a thermometer and see how well (or how bad) the AC works in this house. At 12:30 the thermostat was reading 89f. I turned on the AC and set it for 80f. I took my digital thermometer and put it on the coffee table in the sitting room and the temperature went UP to 90.4f

at 1:30 the temp in the sitting room was down to 85 and the temp in the living room was down to 90.1f

At 2:30 (now) the temp in the sitting room is 82f and the temp in the living room is 87.4f. In other words, the AC is useless, even with two floor fans blowing the cooler sitting room air into the living room. The good part is that the ac vent is right above where my computer is set up, so it's almost chilly enough to warrant putting on a t-shirt here, but as soon as you walk through the archway into the living room... bleah.

I'm going to let it run until 3:00 and record the "final" temprature and use that as a yardstick to measure whether it's even worth the effort and electricity to run the AC in the main part of the house or whether to just retreat into the bedroom for the rest of the summer where the temps are more civilized :)

Update: I popped out for lunch at 2:45 and shut off the ac. The lowest the temperature dropped was 87.4 in the living room and 82 in the sitting room. In the one hour and fifteen minutes that I was gone, the temp in the sitting room went back up to 86 and in the living room back to 90. ugh.

As long as I can remember, I've been looking for a way to watch tv on the go.
Three years ago I installed a Slingbox at my parents house in Vancouver and then connect to it and stream their tv channels to me down here in Cayman, or on my laptop in a hotel room when I'm on the road (of course, I make sure to check in to a hotel that has free high-speed internet) :) it works pretty good. The main reason I did it was to watch Canucks games, and it works OK for that... My parents' upstream speed is just 512kbps and I find I can get about 489kbps fairly consistently. The lower the bandwidth, the slower the refresh and the blockier the video gets. Not ideal for watching something fast like hockey, but watchable. Upgrading them to the 'extreme' cable modem speed would double their upstream to 1024kbps for $10 month more. I always meant to do that, but never got around to it. Now that I'm moving back to Vancouver it's kind of a moot point. The only drawback is that it's "live" tv. if I wanted to record or time-shift anything, I'd have to buy, set up and configure a TiVo at their house. Slingbox supports a TiVo right down to the remote, but it's another expense and another device to manage.

I've been filling in the blanks with torrents anyway. Widescreen HD streams (although they're shrunk and compressed, they still look better than regular TV) and then watching on my laptop or desktop took the place of watching stuff on TV on someone else's schedule.

Last year when I picked up an Xbox360 and then did the fall update to support XviD, we started using that to stream the tv shows over the network to the TV. Wireless just didn't have the balls to do it though, so I went with a pair of Linksys powerline ethernet devices which promise up to 480mbps throughput. Using Windows Media Connect, it worked great. The only problem that remained was watching this sweet, widescreen, pseudo-HD videos on a shitty 21" TV (at least it has component input) with a nasty overscan.

Not anymore... just after lunch today I took a swing by my US freight/mail forwarder and picked up a new bulb for the tv we got our grubby little mitts on. Tonight, we dine in HELL! OK maybe not... but tonight we watch on an HP 65" DLP HDTV! SO THAT problem is solved, that just leaves.... mobile watching.

When I picked up a PSP a couple years back I had visions of watching tv via WiFi dancing in my head. It never materialized. Sony released the Location Free TV which had a PSP client, but it was $200, and then the client for the PSP was another $30, and then the inevitable nail in the coffin was of course no one knows what the IR codes are for the WestStar custom tv boxes. If you have a learning remote, you can program it to control your WestStar box, but that's it. I went so far as to use PSPVideo9 to automatically convert and sync every video that came down to the PSP, but with a 1gb Memory Stick it filled up pretty quick. I was hoping to be able to watch a show or two on my lunch break the next day, but it never worked very well. Consequently, due to my impending departure in august, I'm selling my PSP. The details are at the previous link on eCay Trade, the free classified ad website down here.

Last year I picked up an iPod Touch and stopped using the PSP for watching video on the plane. Yes, I'm on planes enough that this was something that needed to be addressed. It's an hour and five minutes from Grand Cayman to Miami, which is about 45 minutes of time when you're allowed to use your electronic devices. As it turns out, a 60 minute tv show minus it's commercials is about 42 minutes. Coincidence??? I now had 16 times the amount of storage that I had on the PSP in a device a lot smaller and with an almost comparably sized screen. The iPod's screen is way crisper than the PSPs somewhow, even though it's .1" smaller and slightly less resolution (I think).

It turned out I still had the same issues though, I had to plan ahead and convert videos using Videora's Ipod Touch converter which takes practically real-time to convert from xvid avi to an iPod compatible MP4. As of today, that's no longer a problem. Today I read an article on Lifehacker called OrbLive Streams Live TV to your iPhone or iPod Touch. Excuse me? JACKPOT!

I clicked over to Orb's How-To page and gave it a quick once-over. It seemed easy enough, install the streaming server on your computer and then whatever clients you choose can stream your data (videos, tv tuner, webcam, photos, documents, games, music and even youtube and other online video sites) including the Xbox360, PS3, Wii, Sansa and the iPod and iPhone. They went a step further in that if you have a jailbroken iPhone or iPod you can download a native app to connect to the server rather than a web-browser based interface. Slick.

I used Remote Desktop on my lunch break to log in to my computer at home and download the server. I installed it and created a username in about five minutes and pointed it at my Incoming folder.

Then on my iPod I went to the installer app, updated the sources list and then from Multimedia selected OrbLive. It downloaded the 1.8mb package and then installed it and restarted. After that I had a new OrbLive icon on my screen. I clicked it, entered my username and password as I had set up on my server and... it connected! I clicked Video, and then Folders and there it was: E:\Incoming-BT I clicked that and it brought up a list of the videos in that folder! Slick! I clicked on jPod S01E10 and after a few seconds of Connecting... and Buffering... there it was! it was streaming the video from my computer, over the internet to my iPod via Wifi! SWEEEEEEEEEEEEET! Everton and I then went to get a bite to eat at Cimboco and where we were sitting was within range of one of the C&W Hotspots of which I now have a working username and password. I tried streaming from there and while it worked, it was kinda chunky and stopped to buffer a lot. It was kind of like trying to watch ANYTHING on Real Player (buffering...) I switched to Photos and clicked through the stack of photos to some baby pictures of my brothers and I that Steve had going on a loop at the guestbook table at his wedding. Nice.

If I had a TV tuner and an input going into my computer I could stream Live TV to my Ipod or watch recorded TV in addition to everything else! In addition to the cool-as-shit iPod/iPhone app, the web interface is pretty cool, too. It looks like MediaMonkey and allows you to stream anything you've set to stream to another computer via the web interface, which then invokes your default players when you click play on something. And for some reason it's all free? It would be worth it at TWICE the price!

A few minutes ago, Giles sent me this link to Perez Hilton's site which explains the website outage at CayCompass. "The Digg Effect" as it were.

I've been winding myself up and trying to think of some clever words to write about a gay man who was arrested detained for having the audacity to kiss another man while dancing with him, but I received this copy of a press release through two separate Facebook groups practically simultaneously a few minutes ago. I'm just going to paste it in here, and I can't really even think of anything to say at this point other than I hope they find out who the low-life cock smokers were who did it.

It hasn't hit the National Trust' website yet, but I'm sure it will be there shortly.

Update #1: Here's a link to the Recovery Program's Website with the press release.
Update #2: After a few conversations about what a suitable punishment might be (casting aside the obvious) I came up with the following idea, should the douchebag(s) be caught: A pole erected in front of the Royal Water Cruise Terminal, formerly the site of Historic Fort George. Tie the sum'bitch to the pole and have a public stoning... ok maybe not stones, but at least rotten fruit and veg in the noonday sun. And because I'm not a CRUEL person and I realize you can get dehydrated in this environment, hose him(or her) down with a firehose every now and then.

PRESS RELEASE
5th May, 2008. For immediate release.

SIX BLUE IGUANAS MURDERED IN BOTANIC PARK

Six critically endangered Grand Cayman Blue Iguanas were killed by unknown persons late on Saturday evening, in the QE II Botanic Park. The crime was discovered by volunteers with the National Trust’s Blue Iguana Recovery Programme, shortly after 9am on Sunday morning.

The iguanas appeared to have massive internal injuries, as if they had been stamped on violently and repeatedly. Some were also cut and partially dismembered. Three were found dead inside their breeding pens, two had been carried out of their pens and left in the tour area outside. The body of the sixth is still missing, but entrails on the trail outside his pen are a grim sign of his fate.

Department of Environment enforcement officer Carl Edwards was on the scene almost immediately, fast followed by the Royal Cayman Islands Police who began forensic work and have commenced an investigation. Dr. Colin Wakelin from the Department of Agriculture closed a large gash in one of the surviving victims and began making arrangements for an autopsy to confirm the causes of death, which will probably take place later today.

Dead on Sunday morning were the adult breeding males “Yellow” (sponsored by Caribbean Publishers), “Pedro” (sponsored by Websters Tours), “Digger” (sponsored by Simon Hicks), and “Eldemire” (christened by Kent Eldemire). The grand matriarch of the captive facility, “Sara”, was also dead. “Jessica” had been thrown out of the neighboring pen and was in shock, but still moving. Both females had been preparing to lay eggs.

The effort to save Jessica’s life went on into the night, but despite specialist advice by telephone from the Wildlife Conservation Society and Dr. Wakelin’s resourceful and determined attempts to stabilize her, she passed away during the night.

The persons responsible may have broken into the Park after closing hours, and found a way into the fenced-in captive breeding facility. No motive is known for this act of extreme violence against these unique and much-loved symbols of Cayman’s natural heritage. Anyone with relevant information is asked to contact the Royal Cayman Islands Police.

The whole reason I've brought this up is of course my impending departure in August or September. I'm going to have to re-learn all the little nuances and rules of recycling and what goes where. Compared to remembering to drive on the right, I think it just might be the one hardest thing I have to re-adapt to!

It's official, it's true, it's coming.
I've been rolled over. The ever-so-popular amendment to the Immigration Law that limits foreign workers to a term-limit of seven years has caught up with me. I pretty much expected them to catch up with me this year, and my "special circumstances" weren't that special afterall. :)
I arrived here in the summer of 1998. June 30th to be exact. I was on a three-month temporary work permit, and after that went into a 12-month GOL (Gainful Occupation License) this took me through to September 1999 and then I re-upped for another year. When that was up in August/September 2000, I left Cayman and went to Texas for a year. My year in Texas could be the fodder for many, many posts. To this day I refer to it as my "prison sentence" and ranks up there at the top of "The Stupidest Things I've Ever Done". I came back to Cayman in August of 2001 ostensibly for another three month stint at the Dive Shop to run the Cayman Madness program. I was going to nose around for work while I was here, but be home in time for Christmas and then if it worked out, come back down here in time for the spring break high season in 2002. That never happened.
Less than two weeks after I returned, right in the middle of Week One of Cayman Madness, (and also the same day the September 11th terrorist attacks happened)  the dive company was bought by another one and expanded to include shops on all three islands, plus a reservations office in St Petersburg, FL. That was when I started to switch roles and went from Divemaster/Dive Instructor with an IT background into a split permit covering both the Dive operation as well as the IT side of things (which yes, included fixing the VCR at the boss' house when it just sat there flashing 12:00) My three month "recharging of batteries" in Cayman segued into a six month permit and then in May 2002 another 12-month GOL. Then another, then another. In May 2004 I left the dive shop behind and moved into a purely-IT job and left my fins & wetsuit behind for a desk, shoes, socks, underwear and shirts with buttons on it.
This year, when my permit was renewed, it was only renewed until August 27th, 2008 rather than the full year of November 29, 2008. I knew right away that the jig was up, because it was seven years to the day that I set foot back on Grand Cayman. Sure enough the next week I got the official letter from the Department of Immigration telling me I had been granted my final work permit and that I should start making plans to leave the island.
At work, they tossed around the idea of applying for Key Employee Exemption, which would grant me another two years/two work permits but then I'd be in limbo until the application was granted or denied and then wait on the appeal. IF it went through, then I'd have to start the process of applying for Permanent Residency, part of which includes buying property (or at least makes them look more favorably at your application) and then they just might deny that after all that work. Conversely, if I leave here I have to stay gone for at least a year. After that year, should I decide to come back, my "clock" would be reset and I would have another seven years. I'm not PLANNING to come back here again, but I'm never saying never, either. In light of all that, I decided to not pursue the Key Employee exemption and gave my resignation, effective August 27th, 2008.
It's still four months away, but there's a lot of work to be done to re-patriate back to Canada. Paperwork has to be prepared, shipping of personal goods has to be arranged, selling of a whole bunch of stuff that I'm just not going to take back with me(Jeep, Vespa, computers, etc etc..., making arrangements to change addresses for my bank accounts (you didn't really think I was going to give up my offshore accounts, did you? :)) and arrange to cash out my pension down here and then roll it into new accounts back in Canada. I also have to update and circulate my resume and find a job, a car and a place to live back in Vancouver.
Part of the reason I "went quiet" here on the blog was that I had not yet told some key people what my plans were, and I wanted to tell them face to face. I met my parents in Naples FL last month and told them over dessert, and my honey Lauren was down here for a visit just now and I sprung the news on her the night that she arrived while we were sitting on the beach watching the sunset. She was a happy bunny. :)
Now that the cat is out of the bag, I'll resume posting things here again more regularly because I'm absolutely positive that there are going to come up situations when dealing with the various governments that are juuuuuuuuust hysterically funny.
As an aside, I wonder what to call this blog once I move, or if I should even bother with it anymore? It won't be nearly as engaging as it was when I was "kickin back at 19n 81w"!

I heard a choir of angels singing the Hallelujah Chorus and everything turned white. HOLY SHIT ON A DOG that was an intense, searing bright pain. Dr: "I think we just found a trigger point" Me: (breathing a bit heavily) "Ya think??"

Part of me wishes it would function as a JBOD array rather than the automatic protected storage system, but I'm sure that when a disk goes bad I'll be glad it's protected

The first rule of Bartender Fight Club is - you do not talk about Fight Club. (Wronnnnng... get the word out! Advertising on Facebook is OK though) The second rule of Bartender Fight Club is - you DO NOT talk about Bartender Fight Club. See First Rule Third rule of Bartender Fight Club, someone yells Stop!, goes limp, taps out, the fight is over. Sounds like a pretty good rule to me... someone should have let that ref know about the third rule for Steve Chapman's fight. Fourth rule, only two guys to a fight. It's only fair... Fifth rule, one fight at a time, fellas. Try not to have too long of a gap between them though Sixth rule, no shirt, no shoes. Cups, mouthguards and shinguards are required though. Seventh rule, fights will go on as long as they have to. ...or three rounds, whichever comes first. And the eighth and final rule, if this is your first night at Fight Club, you have to fight. And fight they did. Holy shit did they ever fight.

Not just Queen lyrics anymore!

I just checked my work permit application online (or rather HR did) and my permit has been approved! Hooray!

While the start date is Nov 30th, 2007, the day after my last permit expired, the expiry date is August 27th, 2008.

That's not quite a full year, you say? You're right!

August 27th, 2001 was the date that I stepped off the plane when I moved back here from Texas. If you do the math, you'll see that it's exactly seven years.

That's right, seven years. My time in the Cayman Islands is up. Regardless of what my employer wants or would like to do, Immigration will not grant me a "Gainful Occupation License" or GOL past that seven year date.

I'll be getting a letter in the mail shortly officially kicking me out of the country.

I, uh, well I can't really think of anything else to say just yet, but I'll post more in the coming weeks/months about it as my countdown continues.

Time to start spreading the gospel about the new holiday on March 14th.

You know the drill. Every 14th of February you get the chance to display your fondness for a significant other by showering her with gifts, flowers, dinner, shows and any other baubles that women find romantic. Every Valentines day you rack your brains for that one special, unique gift that will show your wife or girlfriend that you really do care for them more than any other. Now ladies, I'll let you in on a little secret; guys really don't enjoy this that much. Sure seeing that smile on your face when we get it right is priceless, but that smile is the result of weeks of blood, sweat and consideration. Another secret; guys feel left out. That's right, there's no special holiday for the ladies to show their appreciation for the men in their life. Men as a whole are either too proud or too embarrassed to admit it.

Which is why a new holiday has been created.

Steak and BJ Day

Link to them, send links and e-cards from there... do your part to help spread the word and get March 14th added to calendars everywhere!

After the semi-traumatic experience Monday night, seeing so much blood released from my face, I took things a little slower and more cautiously last night after going for a run and showering.
Same prep, same cream, same hot water, same razor... lighter hand.
I took the "instructions" with a grain of salt (get it? grain? ok you will in a minute). The article I read on a forum said to go from top to bottom, two passes for two weeks to let your skin get used to the much sharper razor. I did exactly that against my better judgement, knowing that my beard grows in the opposite direction at the bottom of my neck. I went top to bottom and that area--which grows upwards-- was shaved against the grain. Ouch. that was where all the little spots of blood were on Monday night. Last night I went top to bottom until about 2/3 down my neck, at which point I stopped and went the other way. Perfect. Almost.

Sure there were a couple little teeny spots of blood on my neck still, but nothing that required any styptic gel or TP or anything like that. When I was done, the shave was a lot closer than it was on Monday night as well, but without the red burning itch that accompanied pressing too hard with the blade. I'm still not as close as I get using a Mach3 (which having three blades is like shaving three passes with a single blade) but it's just a little practice away.

After all the posturing and bellowing rhetoric about the apartment and couch, the landlady emailed me the other day and was "pleased with the appearance of the apartment, especially compared to the last time I saw it" and got an estimate for $350 to fix/recover the sofa. We had a guy come give an estimate at $300 last month before we moved out.
Sure it should have been "wear and tear", the key word being tear, but we aren't really in any position to argue about it. There's no laws down here keeping landlords from being total douchebags and small-claims court exists but takes forever.. in the meantime she's holding on to the deposit.
The next paragraph she wrote "I don't want to be the typical mean x-landlady, so if you want to meet up later this week, we can exchange keys for the remainder of the deposit".
WTF? Who are you and what did you do with the landlord who I was dealing with last month?! I had already made a decision in my head when I got back from Miami last week that if she wanted to charge us more than $400, then I was going straight to the courthouse to open a case in small claims court. Since this was under it, I wrote her back right away saying sure that's fine, let's get it done (and put it all behind us).
I'm hoping to meet up with her today and do that, then pop by the water company and pay last month's bill and have my name taken off her account and put on to the new account and then we're done.
Even John was shocked when I told him about it that night... "just do it, man let's put it behind us!" which made me laugh because that was exactly my thought.

After dogging it for the last ten days and not running, I busted into Week 6 tonight with two laps around Snug harbor for a grand total (including extended walking cool down because I misjudged the length of the street) of 3.2 miles.

I came home, stretched out, relaxed for a few minutes and then hopped in the shower to prep for a shave... it's been two days. I brought back some double edged  (DE) razors from Miami to give it a try. I used it Saturday evening after reading a few forum posts around about how to (and how not to) do it. Above all, they all urged restraint. Do two passes, from north to south for two weeks to give your skin some time to adjust to the difference. Saturday night went ok. A few hours after shaving I felt a slight irritation around my collar, but that was it. Frankly I was expecting it, since that area gets pretty tender after a shave at the barber with a straight razor. I left it yesterday and this morning and planned to do it tonight when I wasn't rushed.

I have this little bump on my lip, just under my nose on the right side of my face. Not sure what it is, a mole or something, maybe a wart, I don't know, but it's been there for a few years. I sliced it right off tonight.

It didn't hurt, didn't sting, but I knew I had done something wrong. The angle was wrong, and it's kind of a tricky area there under the nose, but by the time I realized what I had done, it was too late... BA-WOOSH. Blood everywhere. Blood is really really red... especially when it's running through pure white shave foam on your face and dripping down into the sink and landing on top of more bits and bobs of white shave foam. Ay carumba. In my haste to finish quickly and take care of the cut, I did the ultimate wrong thing: I used more pressure than just the weight of the razor. I can feel my cheeks and neck tingling now, and it's going to turn to burning by the time I finish posting this and get back in there for some aloe or something. :)

Fortunately I had a little tube of Proraso something or other that I couldn't read and correctly assumed was some kind of styptic gel. DAMN does that stuff work and work quick! I think I better keep it handy for Wednesday night!

Nothing sucks quite as hard as having to move... I suppose the blessing in Cayman is that 99% of rentals are furnished so you don't have to rent a truck and move all that heavy shit around. Still, all that packing and unpacking is a pain in the arse.

The light at the end of the tunnel may very well be an oncoming train. I've been back from Vancouver for about 10 days now and haven't had time to stop and breathe.

Barbara emailed me some pictures, my mom forwarded me the same pictures, Jenn sent me a couple through IM and Margaret uploaded some to Photobucket. So far, this is my favorite one... the caption SHOULD read "We finally figured out how to drag their attention away from the Canucks game" because as you can see, even though they're at the hospital in Danielle's room, the TV is on in the background, with the game on :)

My baby brother is a daddy now. I'm officially an uncle. Bring on the Mountain Dew Code Red and pop-rocks and pixie sticks. :)

 

Timing is good (for me that is) I'll be home around the 30th to meet him, a few days before my other brother's wedding. Talk about a chock-filled trip.

 

Anthony Bruno was born tonight around 6pm PST and weighs in (in the blue corner) at 7lbs 9oz. All is well and I'm awaiting that confirmation via text message tonight.

Fortunately for Danielle, Tony isn't about to run off to Las Vegas to celebrate with his Rat Pack the way my dad did when I was born. My mother still won't let him forget it, 34 years later :)

I looked west and saw the last light of the day, I saw the moon straight above me, and to the east... dark, dark, almost swirly black clouds. Yeeesh. I looked at my watch, back at the clouds again and thought "well I can squeeze in a 3 mile run before the tropical storm arrives!"

Last week I arrived home one night to find a plastic bag hanging from the doorknob. It was the 2007-2008 telephone directory from Cable & Wireless. My first thought was "great, now there's going to be another 50,000 old phone directories in the landfill" but I just couldn't bring myself to throw it in the bin. It felt... wrong.

I sent an IM to a friend who works at Cable & Wireless and asked if they had any takebacks or recycling program for telephone directories. I didn't think they would, recycling is woefully non-existent in the Cayman Islands but it never hurts to ask, right?

The next day I received an email from her with the following:

Cable & Wireless has partnered with the non profit organization Global Green Caribbean to collect old telephone directories for recycling. Other partners in this initiative are CayShred and Fosters Food Fair. We have added our Anderson Square and Galleria Plaza stores as drop off points. The drive to collect old directories will last for the next week. Persons dropping off old directories will also get a green bag while quantities last. So please help support this very worthy effort and bring in your old telephone directories to either of our store locations and tell a friend.

Well shave my balls and call me Harry! I took my old telephone directory and another one I found lying around and put it in the plastic bag the new one came in and put it in my jeep to drop off. I was in Foster's Food Fair at the Strand last night getting some Borax for my running clothes (to say they smell like goats is an insult to goats the world over) and I didn't see a box, a sign, a table, anything saying "drop your old phone books here" and I forgot about it.

Today I stopped by the Galleria Plaza Cable & Wireless store to drop it off. I wandered around, no bin, no signage no nothing. I asked the cashier and she referred me to one of the CSAs, so I waited in line until it was my turn. She knew what I was talking about, took my directories and even gave me a green reusable grocery bag. Sweet!

If I had not asked someone who worked at C&W, I never would have known this program existed.. and is it over this week? They REALLY could have done a much better job of letting the public know about this... Mount Trashmore is high enough already without adding literally tons of easily-recyclable paper on top of it.

I'm glad Cable & Wireless is trying to make positive changes and offer recycling, but I'm a bit cheesed off that they didn't really make it very public. Of course, I could be wrong, it HAS happened before! It could be that they're gearing up for it this week and going to kick it off next week and advertise is in the newspapers, their website and on the radio...

I realized that the biggest gripe I had was the memory size; 16gb. Then I realized that I had been making do with 1gb on the PSP, and had even stopped carrying the PSP with me on the plane because it was getting too be too much to carry around. The only plus for the PSP was that it also played games, but I haven't used it for that in over a year.

It turns out that I'm being actively blocked from downloading any content from XBL Marketplace because my IP address identifies me as residing outside of the US and A. That's right, region coding. "This content is intended for US residents only".

We've started receiving computers from Dell now with Vista Business edition on them. Fortunately it's only been ten so far and they're all Optiplex 755s, the new ones. Microsoft has a program in place to allow you to buy new machines with Vista Business stickers/COAs on them and then receive a free product code to "downgrade" it to XP, then when your company is ready to roll Vista out, you already have the license and don't have to pay anything to upgrade.

Vista's been out almost a year, and SP1 is right around the corner. I've been running it at work on my personal machine for about seven or eight months now, just to try and get used to it so when we don't have the option of getting new computers with XP anymore, I'll be able to answer the inevitable questions from the users "where did x y and z go?" Because technically you can install an OS license on two computers if you really read into the fine print, I took the Express Upgrade disc from my computer at work home and installed it on my desktop computer.

Home Computer	Work Computer
P4 2.4Ghz	Core 2 Duo 2.0Ghz
1gb RAM	4gb RAM
80gb PATA OS, 2x250gb SATA data array	80gb SATA
ATI Radeon 9600 256mb	nVidia GeForce 7300 256mb
Acer 22" widescreen (1680x1080)	Two Dell 17" LCDs
SB Audigy+ 7.1 channel audio	Intel integrated audio
LG DVD +/- RW dual layer	Sony DVD +/- RW dual layer

 

My work computer rolls right along with multiple applications open, Symantec Corporate Edition 10 in the background, WMP 11 in toolbar mode playing MP3s, Outlook 2007 open, Active Directory Users & Computers MMC snap-in open, Foldershare satellite in the taskbar and then whatever else I'm working on at the moment.

My home computer runs AVG Free version in the background, uTorrent in the background, Foldershare satellite and iTunes. Generally there's an explorer window or two open, as well as iTunes minimized when I'm not there and open and playing MP3s when  I am around. That's all.

My average processor usage is around 65%. 65% of my computer's resources are used up while it's sitting "idle" or doing something I consider extremely low-key, like playing MP3s through iTunes. It's so bad that iTunes actually starts "skipping" while trying to play MP3s. Doing anything, skipping forward to another song, opening a window, changing folders in Explorer, renaming a file, ANYTHING causes the processor usage to spike to 100% and slow everything down to a crawl. Heaven forbid I try to listen to music while doing anything file intensive.

Oddly enough, as resource intensive as it is, watching videos with Nero Showtime (I'm forcing myself to use it instead of VLC right now because I paid for Nero 7... right before Nero 8 was released and offered me the chance to upgrade for a low 39.99) doesn't seem to be a problem for the system at all.

I was watching the processor usage today while iTunes was skipping, trying to see WHAT was causing the processor usage and skipping. It didn't add up... I was using maybe 30% of the processor, but the reported usage was 65-70%. I checked "show processes from all users" box and there it was: Audiodg.exe was hogging up 30-65% of the processor cycles, iTunes went between 6% and 30%. What the hell is audiodg.exe? Is it something to do with the new Sound Blaster Audigy card I put in a few weeks ago?

I looked around online and found a pretty good description of it here. 

The short answer is that audiodg.exe hosts the audio engine for Vista.  All the DSP and other audio processing is done in audiodg.exe.  There are two reason it runs outside of the windows audio service.

The first is that there's 3rd party code that gets loaded into audiodg.exe.  Audio hardware vendors have the ability to install custom DSPs (called Audio Processing Objects or APOs) into the audio pipeline.  For a number of reasons (reliability, serviceability, others) we're not allowed to load 3rd party code into svchost processes (svchost.exe is a generic host process for services that's used inside Windows). So we need to move all the code that interacts with these 3rd party APOs outside the audio service (that way if an APO crashes, it won't take out some other critical part of the system with it).

The second reason for using a separate process for the audio engine is DRM.  The DRM system in Vista requires that the audio samples be processed in a protected process, and (for a number of technical reasons that are too obscure to go into) it's not possible for a svchost hosted service to run in a protected process.

 

UGH. So this piggy process was introduced in Vista to allow audio processing to run in a protected process because of DRM. Double-ugh. Everything in my iTunes library are plain-Jane VBR MP3s that I ripped from my own CDs. There is no DRM on them, there does not need to be any DRM on them, but they have to be processed through this audiodg process so they CAN. Lame. All it's doing is chewing up resources and making my audio playback skip. It's what the French call "Le Suck".

Vista's vaunted new User Account Control sucks, too. I left it all on to force myself to get used to it. I installed EAC to rip a couple new CDs that I bought, and it installed fine. I navigated to C:\Program Files\EAC and created a new folder called LAME and then unzipped the LAME_enc.dll and exe files into it and told EAC to use the external compressor... but it wouldn't. It would inexplicably fail. I dropped to a command line and tried it myself and got "Access Denied". Turns out that even with an administrator account, you can't execute an .exe file in the program files folder unless Windows/msiexec has put it there itself. If you have a program that didn't come in an .msi installation file, then it won't be able to run. On a whim, I went to Control Panel and turned off UAC. It warned me three times that it was a bad idea, and then asked me to reboot. After a reboot, EAC worked as expected, and I now have a red shield with an X over it in my system tray that periodically reminds me that I've left my system open to unauthorized use and click here to turn UAC back on. At work it's even worse. I had to disable UAC right off the bat in order for ScriptLogic to even run my logon script.

There's a whole laundry list of all small, niggling things that just don't work in Vista. My USB TV Tuner is unsupported in Vista and now has been discontinued. My Microsoft(!!) branded keyboard with the integrated UareU biometric fingerprint scanner doesn't work. The keyboard works, but the fingerprint scanner doesn't.

Probably my biggest gripe with Vista at work (aside from the UAC business described above) is the lack of adequate management tools. I'm a Network Administrator. I spend a lot of time in the Microsoft Management Console (MMC). Active Directory Users and Computers in particular just doesn't work very well. I don't have icons telling me if an object is a user, group, disabled, computer, contact or anything. EVERY icon looks like a text file. Exchange 2003 System Manager won't run, so I can't do anything mailbox-related without VNC'ing to the server or using Remote Desktop to one of the Domain Controllers. ISA management doesn't work (2004 OR 2006), Websense Manager won't run and ScriptLogic Desktop Authority sort of works, but is pointing at the wrong server (although that's not a Vista gripe)

I'm at the point now where I'm ready to declare my experimentation phase with Vista over and roll back my desktop computer at home to XP SP2. Fortunately when I installed Vista, I used an extra hard drive, and I can go back as easily as opening the case, pulling the drive and putting the old one back in. There will be a little work after that, Windows updates and a few driver changes for new hardware. At work it's a little more work to downgrade, but because they're new machines, I've been proactive and made a Ghost image of the new Optiplex with XP SP2. That's another post though :)

Tonight I finished Week 5 of the Couch to 5k program from Coolrunning.com. Week 5 was the first week to end with a sustained run, in this case two miles/twenty minutes without stopping. I've been apprehensive about it all week, and was almost to the point of dread and nervousness all afternoon leading up to the run tonight.

I walked over to the John A Cumber Primary school playing field and started the week five podcast, did a lap around the playing field to warm up and then started the two mile "clock" at the corner of Hell Rd and Town Hall Rd. I jogged along Town Hall Road to the fork and turned right and went up Northwest Point Road until I hit Watercourse Road (Crack Alley). I turned there and followed Watercourse back to Hell Rd and turned back up towards the school. I got to just about Club Inferno (get it? a bar in Hell called Club Inferno? no? well neither did anyone else and it's been closed for a few years now) and then walked it out from there back home.

When I got back to our carpark, I ended the workout and (not including the walk and the warm up) it came out to 2.52miles, 27 minutes, average pace of 11'09" and 330 calories burned. Once I got into the run, I started thinking ahead to finishing it, not 'oh my god I'm going to die' or 'my lungs are on FIRE!'. I planned to raise my arms up over my head and let out a big whoop when I hit two miles, but things didn't quite work out according to plan. :) Since I was running around 9:15-9:20 per mile and the podcast was timed to a 10 minute mile, my iPod clocked two miles about a minute before the podcast did, so I actually did 2.1 miles before cooling down.

By the time the podcast told me to slow it down to my brisk walking pace to cool down, I was so out of gas that I didn't have the energy to raise my arms! :) My legs were a little rubbery, and I kinda felt like puking a little. By the time I got home, stretched out and took off my shoes, my heart rate had returned to something resembling normalcy and I was able to have a little whoop!

That's the farthest I've ever run in my life.

I've also been watching what I eat lately, too. As I wrote earlier, six weeks ago when I started exercising again after the accident, I could feel my whole front: belly, moobs, everything sloshing around as I ran. Now things have tightened up a little, but I'm still clocking in at 174.5lbs and 24% body fat. I can't imagine what my stats were six weeks ago if I'm visibly skinnier now! Anyway, since tonight was a milestone (literally) I think I'm going to celebrate a little and break program and have some dessert. I'm undecided if it'll be a brownie a la mode at Legendz, or seeing if Decker's still has their almost-orgasmic chocolate fudge caramel pecan pie or maybe just pop a little further down towards town for a little gelato at Giancarlo's Antica Gelateria.

On a side note, I've had gelato all over the place, and by far the best gelato I had was at a little shop in Florence called GROM. Hands down the best gelato, ever. SECOND best gelato is a tie, between Antica Gelateria here in Cayman and Dolce Amore on Commercial Drive in Vancouver.

Tomorrow's a day of rest and then Monday I hit the road again for Week 6 of the Couch to 5k. Normally today would have been a day of rest too, but last Monday was a holiday, and I wasn't feeling well either so I switched to Tue-Thur-Sat this week. If I keep on-task, I should be hitting Week 9, which ends with the 5k/3m goal while I'm in Tampa for training, so I may repeat one week between now and then, considering i'll be on a treadmill in the hotel fitness center that week and aim for 5k before Christmas!

Unfortunately, I'm not talking about the g-d, f'in itchy caterpillar growing on my lip. That's only about 1/4 there.

I've been making steady progress on the Couch to 5K program. I finally passed week Two and started on Week Three last week. I was apprehensive about week three, which was: jog for 90 seconds, walk 90 seconds, jog three minutes and then walk three minutes and then repeat again.

I also had the benefit of a running coach that week. Shitbag's cousin was down for a visit, and he's an Army runner and a high school PE teacher. He was talking about something called "ultra marathons" which after looking up online, found another word for it: INSANITY!

After watching me run (he was pretty much running backwards watching my feet) he said that I pronate on my right foot and slightly supinate on my left foot(or maybe the other way around). Coincidentally, that matches up with the damage on each of my feet from the scooter accident back in August.

When we were done, he told me that I was being over-conservative and I could probably skip a rung on the program. I thought about it, but then when I looked at Week 4 and Week 5, I thought better of it. :) He showed me a few more stretches for before and after to add to what I was already doing and more importantly some other exercises to do to help re-strengthen my feet and straighten out my gait.

By the end of Week three, I was nailing the run... Week three actually seemed easier than Week two.. Week three was shorter than the other weeks, clocking in at 26 minutes and only 260-270 kcals. Week four was another story.

I did the first run last Monday and it kicked.my.ass. 32 minutes, 2.75 miles and 362 kcals. I was a wreck. Wheezing, panting and staggering home at the end of the cool down run, I made sure and stretched for a good 15 minutes before doing anything else. I went out and did it again on Wednesday before heading to Copper Falls for dinner and then did it again last night to finish off Week four. I didn't even puke, although I sure felt like it Monday night!

Week five is going to make week four look like a cakewalk. Five minutes jog, three minutes walk, five minutes jog, three minutes walk and five minutes jog again for Monday. Eight minutes on, five off, eight minutes on for Wednesday and then Friday... twenty minutes/two miles straight through. Gulp.

Each week after five is straight through runs, each getting a little longer than the previous until the end of week eight where it's three miles/thirty minutes straight through.

I've never been much of a runner, and I hated PE class with a vengeance in high school, in part because of sadistic, asshole teachers. If I had even one PE teacher like Chuck (and a little less attitude when I was a teenager) I'm sure I would have taken to running earlier. I'm aiming to hit the 5k mark before